his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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