A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
