I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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