I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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