Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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