I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
