last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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