If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
