and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
