im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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