I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
