Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
