Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
