Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
