I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
