I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
