A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
