i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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