He kissed a someone with a penis
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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