tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
