I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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