i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
