batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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