I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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