so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
