last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize