just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
