i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
