You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
