Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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