..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize