and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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