I'm so fucking centered right now
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
