I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
