Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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