i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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