i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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