I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
