me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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