It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm sobbing to NWA
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
