if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
