Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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