We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
