my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
