He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize