haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
