We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize