did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
