It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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