He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
