I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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