She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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