i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
