"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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