12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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