Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
