need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
