So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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