Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
