kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
