Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize