I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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