Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize