I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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