Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
