woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you never un-have a 4some
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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