At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Your penis caused this!
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