I'm sorry my penis didn't work
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
