He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
